Currently Listening Firefly (Original Television Soundtrack) By Greg Edmonson (Composer) see related

Shh, listen to the silence

Currently Listening Dreamgirls Patience see related

Poetry from recent days

Arizona
Somedays warmth on my face is better than kisses
And grass beneath my fee is better than hugs

There are days I am whole in nature
Days nature and i are gloriusly unified

There are days snowflakes melt my heart
And rainstorms warm my soul

At times your kisses freeze my soul
You hand silenses my hearts beat

There are days your eyes bring me shame
And your words make me cower in fear

Sometimes i need to feel natures love
The sun needs to warm my frozen soul
The birds song needs to start my heart's beat
The grass needs to arouse my being into awareness

These are the days i wake to see you
The morning after you've shown your displeasure
Instead of the sun's warmth i recieved your hand's
Your tongue beat my heart into submission
You bedded me fiercely to awaken my core

And i lay in agony and see you twitch
I watch your slow stir and wait in fear
And slowly, painfully slowly i get out of bed
I pack my few and precious posessions and
Listen to the door click behind me
I slip on my shoes and skip the squeaky step
Drop my key in the mailbox
I slip into my car and turn on the radio
Ani soothes my soul as the sun warms my face

Coffee and Cigarettes 
Sitting at an empty booth
Journal, iPod, pen, and thoughts
My latest book, my latest-
My latest what? Funk?
My crazy emotionless emotion overdose?
Eating cigarettes and drinking coffee
Two things i'm no in love with
Two things i madly crave
The coffee punishes my tongue
For wrongs it never did
The cigarettes punish my lungs
For breaths they breathed to deeply
I reach for me phone
For my human drug
Franticallys searching for
The name I know isn't there
The one who soothed me so well before
Reading poetry for what seemed like hours
No questions asked just pages turned
Words read from other's pens
I quickly jot a word of love
Then words of fear and shame
Remembering why his name is gone
No sweet words, no lines of poetry
No, instead its cigarettes and coffee
Watching clouds drift into the vent
The nicotine and coffee war within my mouth
bitterness clashing and combining
In an orgy and a battle
My tongue the battle field
My soul the Helen at stake
Inhaling the smoke I hope to
Gag and awaken
Hoping it will pull me from this monster
The monster he helped create
How do i run from a part of me?
How do i leave me behind?
How do i change who i am?
Do i have to bury it?
Neglect it? Learn to love it?
Or do i learn to deal with it, ignore it.
Maybe it'll never change
maybe I'll never fit in
Maybe I'll never find a place
to call home

This coffee sucks and i'm out of smokes

Currently Listening These Streets By Paolo Nutini Don't Rush Jenny see related

Change

Currently Listening Imperfectly By Ani DiFranco see related

Sunny Days and Wishful thinking

Today is going to be so hard. You see in order to go home i have to point my car west. convienently the same direction of Arizona. This poses a huge problem for me. You see, i have my itrip, my car with a full tank, about a grand in my bank account. The worst part, i've got tank tops and skirts in my car from a recent sleepover. Meaning i also have pillows and blankets. Does anyone see the problem here? I could leave right now to go to Arizona. Just get up and walk out the door get in my car put the windows down and turn Ani up. I could be gone. Just, GONE. Not tell anyone. Not talk to anyone. Turn off my phone and disappear. Does anyone know how tempting that is?

I can't wait to be gone.

Currently Listening Knuckle Down By Ani DiFranco Grand Canyon see related

Me: I just want to get in my car pick you up and drive, just drive out to arizona and sleep in the back of my car and rock out to ani and just have a kick ass time!

SK:That sounds so good right now! AH! lets go! I want to be driving with the windows down, hair in my face, bare feet on the dash, and music flooding my ears with only canyons and earthy colors to see. Oh i want to be old!

Me: Exactly what i had in mind and i want like only a duffel bag of clothing and some pillows and sleeping bags in the back. We'll wash in bathrooms and at campgrounds and just be dirty and yeah. Skirts and be barefoot and happy. And no bras.

SK: Yes! We can pick flowers and stick them in our hair and at night, pull over and make a camp fire and play guitar. Some days we can just pull over and lay in the red soil and just be with bare feet and no bras.

Me:Yeah we won't have a plan to get there. We'll just drive and we'll just breath and be and lay on the ground and we'll count the stars and we'll break down and boys will hit on us and Ani and Reg will be our anthem.

SK: So perfect! we will just leave for a month and drive. We'll stop and sleep in every state along the way just to say we have been there. Boys will try to hit on us, but we will play hard to get. Then we will cry and scream and laugh and joke and play. Ani and Regina will become like our sisters. And out in Arizona we will have not a care in the world

Me:Heck we'll never go back. We'll just love life. We won't get lost cuz we don't have any destination other than arizona. We'll meet boys and we'll love them but never take them with us. No, this will be a holy trip. We'll be women, pure, sure women. Tank tops and barefeet and skirt and shorts and we'll just love being alive.

SK: We won't come back. Eventually we will find jobs out there, but it will never take over our freedom and our purpose for being there. We will love and love again, but we will leave them and let them come find us. We will never wear makeup or do our hair...we will grow it out and let it free and wear bandanas. We will make our own clothes and look atristic. Children will watch us and ask us questions and we will smile. We will bathe in rivers and eat everything.

Me: We'll have long dreadlocks or no hair at all. We'll become a legend. We'll grow our own food and live off of it. We'll sell jewlery and food to tourists and we'll live off the earth. People will gawk at us and reporters will write about us. And we'll write poetry and novels and songs and we'll make our own cds and we'll be so beautiful bc we are one with the earth.

SK: So what are we waiting for?

Me: The snow to go away!